There are certain darker, more uglier aspects of our society that as a parent I would rather shield my 10 year-old son Julian from for as long as I can. For example, we want our children to grow up in a healthy safe nurturing environment so naturally we’re careful about what movies and video games they’re exposed to. But I’m not naïve enough to think that I’ll be able to shield him from every little thing. My son loves sports and lately even with that ESPN is depicting some pretty serious issues of domestic violence and child disciplining. Even matters of subtle racism will rear it’s ugly head from time to time, which is unfortunately what we encountered a couple weeks ago.
We recently attended a summer camp open house down off the North Carolina coast. Families were invited to visit the camp over the weekend and partake in all the camp activities. There was a zip-line, archery, target range, tennis, golf, motor boating and sailing etc. It was pretty neat- lots to see and do and experience. (although having to sleep on bunk beds in the non air-conditioned cabins that time of year was brutal for us adults).
Although the interaction and conversations with other families during meals and activities were polite and pleasant enough, we couldn’t help notice that we were literally the only non-white family among the hundred or so families there. No other asian or black families whatsoever. Everything seemed fine though. But there was one particular incident my wife Jennifer later shared with me when she and Julian were standing in line for the zip-line. Ahead of them in line were a few girls, about 8 or 9 years old. They were all uttering “ching-chong-ching” loud enough for my wife and son to hear. Jen could hear them making this obvious racial gesture even though Julian probably didn’t notice or realize what they were doing. He’s still naïve and innocent enough at his age thank God.
Jen was pretty offended by this but to her credit she didn’t say anything or make an issue of it. But that’s pretty brazen for white kids to tease not just towards some asian kid but to also do that to an adult. When my wife later told me about it she asked me if I thought she should’ve said something to them or told their parents or staff. In my opinion it wouldn’t have made any difference telling their parents since I would assume this kind of attitude is fostered by the adults.
So now this minor little incident places us in a different context of enrolling Julian in the summer camp next year. We didn’t create that situation but now we’re confronted by it. I can’t be sure how far something like this could escalate when he’s in camp by himself. It could be potentially devastating to him. It’s the kind of thing that I know I’ll have to talk to Julian about. Not sure what he’ll completely understand about it. Part of me resents having to even bring it up in this day and age.
I have to resist my personal reaction from my own negative experiences growing up and the subtle racial undertones I observed around Julian even in MD. But as a Christian parent how do I discuss this kind of thing in such a way as to not embitter him and thus defeat him, but inform him as to the messed-up way the forces of this world seeks to tear one another down? Showing that level of grace towards each other is a major challenge for adults let alone children. I have to trust that God will continue to watch over his heart and mind and allow him to emerge as a light to this darkness. To that I say amen.
From Pastor Mark’s Heart
September 21, 2014