It's become something of a running joke about the fact that i break down in tears when I'm preaching or even just talking with others, whether it's during Saturday early morning prayer, staff Oikos or service. I've tried to make light of it in order to perhaps make it stop. I assure you that nowhere in my personal sermon notes do I have any notation "cry here for dramatic effect." My season of weeping has been going on now for hmmm, let's see - 5 or 6 years now! I can recall back then when things were starting to happen to me in my spiritual growth., I was in my car driving northbound on I-270. I didn't have any particular thing weighing on my mind but as I was on the highway driving past NCFC I started crying- bawling actually. Now that's just plain weird.
I'm not quite sure about what exactly is occurring when I get that emotional. It's definitely not as though I'm in grief but moreso because I'm relieved and touched that God would still bother to be present and at work in my heart and mind despite my many screwups. I guess it also has something to do with the fact that for 40-plus years I had been blind to certain anger issues that in the last two to three years since seminary I've had to finally confront for maybe the first time in my life. I won't bore you with the details of all of that but I think maybe it's God's way of breaking me down- breaking down a lot of hurt and dysfunction that had manifested over the years which were damaging to my relationships as a husband, father and brother in Christ.
It's embarrassing to be sure to breakdown like that in public. I don't mind the emotional part at all when I'm by myself or standing in the congregation anonymously but who knows, maybe a dose of public humiliation now and again is good for the soul too. I know most guys would prefer to be more stoic and non-expressive of emotions because we tend to associate emotion with effeminate weakness. And none of us guys want to appear as complete wimps. But I think the Spirit moves in that emotional realm. So when we build up those walls by denying this response I think we lose out on those transforming moments of love and grace that God wants for everyone, even the tough guys. Amen to that.

From Pastor Mark’s Heart
October 14, 2012

In case you were wondering why Pastor Sara was nowhere to be seen last Sunday, I was away in Italy for a week!  I have two special friends that I’ve known for more than 30 years, and when we all turned 45 and realized that we weren’t getting any younger, we decided to take trips of our own every two years without our children or husbands.  We live in three separate states, each busy with family and professional responsibilities, so we have to intentionally plan time for ourselves to maintain our precious friendships. This was our second international travel after our trip to Paris four years ago.  There are so many interesting cities in Italy, such as Rome, Venice, Florence, Pompeii, and Naples just to name a few, but since we didn’t want to spend all our precious time on the road travelling from one city to another, we decided to spend half of our time in Rome, visiting the many tourist attractions and the remaining days on the beautiful Amalfi Coast located in the southwestern region of Italy, relaxing and enjoying the breathtaking view of the Mediterranean Sea. 
While in Rome we visited many world-famous structures, including the Colosseum, Vatican Museums, St. Peter’s Basilica, the Trevi Fountain, the Pantheon (ancient Roman temple), and several other ancient landmarks.  The Colosseum was definitely one of the most extraordinary places I’ve visited in my life. It was not just its amazing architecture or impressive size, but the sense of its gory history stirred up something in me. While so many tourists from all over the world were casually strolling through the structure, posing for pictures here and there, it dawned on me that it was here that gladiators engaged in deadly combat and condemned prisoners fought off hungry lions while tens of thousands of Roman citizens were cheering on. During mass battles, the smell of blood and burnt flesh and that of wild animals became unbearable.
According to the tour guide, such violence was considered rousing entertainment.   It also served as a crime deterrent, reminding people of the brutal punishment for criminals and prisoners of war. Another important function of these brutal public events was to give the citizens something to occupy their minds with - to distract them from political and economic problems.  As soon as I heard the word ‘distract,’ I could not help but think of all the year-round sporting events that keep many people occupied and obsessed in the US, while distracting them from dealing with real life problems.  When baseball season nears its end, football season is in full swing. Once football season winds down, basketball games begin. And then back to baseball and so on. Sports - and any other entertainment for that matter - are not harmful in and of themselves.  However, if all our leisure time, energy, and resources are spent on them, Satan surely has succeeded in distracting us from pursuing joy and satisfaction in God.  Just as the emperors used the gladiators and wild animals to create spectacular scenes to control the crowd, Satan has used the media, electronic gadgets, music idols, sporting events, and other means to distract born-again Christians from seeking and fulfilling God’s will for their lives, to render them ineffective as God’s people.  The scheme of the enemy has remained pretty much the same from the very beginning.  It’s to distract us, to keep us occupied with things of this world.  Tragically, too many of us have fallen victim.  We must wake up and walk out of this modern-day Colosseum.

From Pastor Sara’s Heart
October 21, 2012