My 28th Anniversary

Last Sunday was the 28th anniversary of my ordination. I can’t believe I’ve been a pastor longer than some of you have been alive, but I’m afraid that is true. All I can say is that these 28 years have been very fulfilling.
As most of you know, I was born and raised in a Buddhist family. My maternal grandmother and my mother were devout Buddhists. I went to the Buddhist temple on a regular basis when I was young and saw my grandmother pray, meditate and chant all the time.
It was when I was a senior in college, studying abroad in this country, away from my family, that I eventually heard the Gospel and came to the Lord. And then it was when I was in the graduate school, working on my MBA that I received the calling from God to become a full time worker.
Against my parents’ strong opposition, I went to seminary and became a pastor in 1982. It was during my first pastorate, however, that I learned what I had actually signed up for. Ministry was rough! I kind of heard that it was but had never expected how much. I stumbled and learned as I went along, mostly about my weaknesses and inadequacies. It was, by and large, a struggle with myself. God was teaching me about who I was.
Sometimes it would get so bad, I would threaten God that I would leave the ministry. At times I was miserable. I didn’t think I could last. I regretted having answered the call and having become a pastor. Occasionally people would ask me if I would do it all over again and become a pastor if I died and came back to life again, I would emphatically say, “No!” without a single moment of hesitation. If any of my children were to one day consider going into the ministry, I thought I would seriously oppose and try to dissuade them. I thought I would tell them to find other ways to serve God without committing your entire future for the ministry. I thought it wasn’t worth it and it’s not what it’s all cracked up to be.
It’s amazing how I’ve changed since then. I don’t think the world or circumstances have changed all that much. If anything, it has gotten worse in the last 30 years. So, what happened? Well you could say that I have matured, matured as a pastor, but also matured as a person. Now, I say there is nothing better in life than to be a pastor. If I were to come back to this world again, I would definitely choose to be a pastor. If any of my children were to say they want to go into the ministry I would encourage and help them in any way I could, because I truly believe it is one of the most gratifying jobs you can have in life.
I have learned that it was “me” that God was working on. He was training “me” for life and ministry through the tool called ministry. It wasn’t that He really needed “me” to accomplish His desire. No, He was going to do that with or without me. But He wanted me to accompany Him. He wanted to do it with me. In order to do it with me, however, He needed to change me from someone who was constantly concerned about his own happiness rather than the happiness of those around him. He needed to change him from focusing on his own “self-centeredness” to “self-denial.” And He did, little by little, everyday, He’s been working on me. And He taught me that it is when I serve for the happiness of others around me I truly become happy.
So unlike the younger days, I don’t compare myself with others. I don’t try to measure up to people’s expectations. I realized that I don’t have to succeed in the eyes of the people. I am certainly not going to compete with other churches or other pastors, because when I do I become unhappy.
I like what I do now. No, let me amend that. I “love” what I do now. And I love doing it with the people God has placed in my life, namely you. You have been a huge factor in my pilgrimage. It was you who God used at times to put me through the fiery furnace. It was you who God used to break me at times, feeling totally inadequate and weak. But it was also you that God used to affirm me again and again that it is worth my whole life. You helped me to serve God. You became the best companion in this journey. You made it fun. So, I owe you more than you know.
For obvious reasons, my journey is not done yet. I look forward to many more years, God willing. But I do promise you, however, that I will do the best I can to make the next leg of the journey better than any leg in the past.

July 25, 2010
Dr. W. Jamie Kim